Ninja Highschool
by Comedyfanatic
Summary: What happens when Naruto and the others go to a school filled with ninjas from all differant villages? Food fights, berserk teachers, crazy torture devices and all out chaos, that's what! No real pies were harmed in the making of this.
1. School Begins

1**Ninja Highschool**

**Chapter One: School Begins **

Brrriiiinnnggg! The highschool's bell rang out, marking the first day of school for all Genin ninjas.

"School is such a drag." complained Shikamaru.

"Another chance to prove I'm the greatest ninja! Believe it!" yelled Naruto In his overconfident tone. A few minutes later, all the ninja sat in the hallway of the highschool, waiting for Iruka's announcement.

"All right, listen up!" said Iruka, stepping to the podium. "In a moment I will be posting your classes on the board. There will be 11 students per class and it will not be sorted by village. The rest of the details will be given in class. And now it is my pleasure to present your class lists!"

Everyone crowded around the board, eager to see who their classmates were. Naruto's class was as follows:

Naruto Uzumaki

Hinata Hyuga

Dosu Kinuta

Kiba Inuzuka

Shikamaru Nara

Sasuke Uchia

Ten Ten

Ino Yamanaka

Kankuro

Sakura Haruno

Zaku Abumi

"I...I'm in Naruto's class." murmered Hinata excitedly.

"Wait a second... I could have sworn I died earlier in the series..." Dosu said.

"Oh... I'm in Sasuke's class!" yelled Sakura triumphantly. (Inner Sakura) _It's fate I tell you! I was meant to be with him! _"And Ino's..." she muttered in a less than enthusiastic voice

"Whew... I'm not with Gaara..." said Kankuro, obviously relieved.

"Welcome to class, maggots!" said Anko.

"She's our teacher!" thought Naruto. We are so dead."

"I'll explain the rules of this classroom." said Anko as everyone took a seat. "First of all, there's no sleeping, no passing notes, no talking when I'm talking, no whispering, and no eating the desks." Everyone stared at her oddly for this last rule. "Oh wait. Chouji isn't in this class. My bad." Anko said, scratching the back of her head. "Well, here are some details. Everyone from all different classes eat together at lunch time. Also, villages will be separated during lunch to avoid conflict. Any questions?" she asked. "Good." she said without waiting for a reply. "I'm giving you all 2 minutes to arrange seats and talk starting... Now!"

Instantly the room burst into chaos as everyone rushed to find seats. There were 3 rows of 3 so everyone had to hurry to sit down next to who they wanted to. Hinata was surprised when Naruto sat beside her, his million dollar smile on his face.

"Hey Hinata!" he said, causing her to blush.

"Seating arrangements... how bothersome." mumbled Shikamaru before sitting next to Ino.

"I must be dead!" said Dosu. "This must be heck! I'm in heck!" "Where am I!" he yelled, shaking poor Sakura like a maraca.

"Y...you're in Konoha highschool!" she yelped.

"I knew it!" Dosu said, dropping Sakura as he did so. "I am in heck!"

"Settle down, maggots! Times up!" yelled Anko. "Now that you're all in your seats, is there anything you want to know before lunch?"

"Yes!" said Zaku, raising his hand.

"What?" asked Anko.

"Are there any bathrooms in heck?" Zaku said, his face turning red.

"Who gave you the idea that you're in heck!" yelled Anko.

Zaku pointed at Dosu who raised his hand sheepishly.

"They're down the hall to the right." said Anko, watching him run off. She sighed, then turned her stare to Dosu. "Well kid, you weren't far off the mark." she said. "This place is the closest thing to heck you'll ever be. At least with me as your teacher anyway." Everyone shivered at this remark. "Now then, let's head to lunch!" said Anko, in her usual mock cheery tone.


	2. Learning to Fear Food

1**Chapter Two: Lunch can be evil**

At lunch the rookie nine were all sitting together. Being their first day of high school they were all a bit nervous about talking. Well, everyone except Naruto and Kiba anyways.

"Then she says, this place is as close to heck as you'll ever get." said Naruto, imitating Anko. "The nerve of that creep!"

"Well, I got Kureni sensei as my teacher." said Kiba.

"Will you two loud-mouths shut up?" said Sakura. At that moment Zaku walked up to their table. He went over to Sasuke and hit him on the head.

"Ow! What the heck!" yelled Sasuke.

"That's for what you did to my arms before." said Zaku before hitting him again.

"And what was that for?" asked Sasuke.

"That was just because I had so much fun hitting you the first time that I just couldn't contain myself!" said Zaku, who turned and walked away laughing evilly.

"That jerk!" yelled an enraged Sakura.

"Sakura, what are you doing?" questioned Sasuke as Sakura picked up a scoop of ice cream on her spoon and hurled it at Zaku. It landed with a splot on it's target.

"This is an act of war against the sound village!" screeched Zaku. "You will pay for your incolense!" With that he flung apie towards Sakura. However, it missed and hit Hinata.

"I'll destroy you and your stupid pie!" yelled Hinata as she shot mashed potatoes at Zaku through a straw. The war was on! Bread and lasangas flew through the air. Gaara petrified peas with his sand and blasted them at anyone near him. Kakashi walked by.He stared in suprise for amoment, then just shrugged. As he was about to walk away, a piece of cake hit him in the face.

"Ha! Gotcha Kakashi sensei!" yelled Naruto.

"Why you..." Kakashi muttered angrily, smearing the cake fromhis face. He picked up a wedge of cheese and dashed behind Naruto. "I believe your familiar with this one." he said. "One thousand years of pain!" Naruto shot up in the air clutching his buttox were the wedge of cheese had been forcefully jammed. Meanwhile, chaos was breaking out in the teachers lounge.

"Eeeek!" screamed Ebisu. "Stay away from me!"

"Yahahahah!" laughed Ibiki. "Relax. I just want to demonstrate how a cheese grater can be used for torture."

"H-he's insane!" howeled Ebisu. "He's gone berserk!"

"Quick, hold him down!" yelled Anko. "Tie him up, throw a sharpener at him,anything! And get rid of that cheese grater!"

"I think I can restrain hi-" Kurenai never got to finish her sentance because at that moment, Anko was flung through the air, landing on top of her.

"Muahahahaha! Now everyone sit still while I demonstrate how to use everyday items as torture devices!" said Ibiki, picking up a pair of scissors. At that moment a wedge of cheese hit him in the butt.

"I just learned how to use food as a torture device!" said Kakashi.

"Kakashi, your needed on the battlefield." said Asuma, rubbing some frosting out of his eye.(he had joined the food fight too) "Some poor kid just got nailed with a pork chop."

"I'll be right over." replied Kakashi. He bent down and picked up thecheese grater. "Mabye I could use this for something..."

Nightshade's Corner

What plans does Kakashi have for the cheese grater? No seriously, what's he thinking? I'll have to think hard on thiat one. The next chapter will be coming up soon, so stay tuned for the continuation of the epic battle of food!


	3. The Epic Battle of Food

1Ninja Highschool

"Battlefield?" questioned Anko.

"Don't tell me you haven't that the war is on." said Kakashi with a surprised look on his face. "The food fights been going on for almost an hour now."

"A food fight?" asked Ibiki, who was coming to after Kakashi's savage attack. "I should show those children the many ways to cause pain to someone with a pie pan!"

"They've already figured that out." said Asuma, rubbing a bump on his head.

"Hey Ibiki!" yelled Kakashi. "How do you use this cheese grater?"

"Here, let me show you." Ibiki said, walking towards Ebisu.

Meanwhile back on the battlefield...

"We need more ammo!" yelled Sasuke as a petrified pea shot by.

"Emergency!" screamed Naruto as he ran over toward Sasuke.

"What is it?" asked Sasuke.

"We're running low on supplies!" replied Naruto.

"What! Last time I checked we still had a good amount of food in stock!" Sasuke yelled over the noise of the commotion. Naruto pointed to the stock pile were Chouji lay looking like a pinata about to burst.

"Ohhhh...for once in my life I feel like I ate too much." Chouji said.

"Figures." said Sasuke, ducking as a blender flew by. "Hey, I thought we agreed on no electrical appliances!" Sasuke said.

"No electrical appliances?" questioned Ibiki.(the one who threw the blender) "It's not a food fight without torture devices!"

Suddenly, a steaming yellow missile hit Sakura right on her oversized forehead. She screamed in pain when she realized she had just been bombed by corn.

"Hey Zaku!" yelled Dosu. "I don't believe you missed her with that pie. Her foreheads so big I could hit it from a mile away!"

"What did you say about my forehead creep!" screeched Sakura. "You'll never see the light of day again!"

"That can't be good." said Dosu. He yellped as an entire chicken flew at his head. He grabbed the closest thing to him, which was Kin, and held him in front of him to block the chicken. In the meantime, Naruto and Kiba were catapulting apples back at their base when Kakashi suddenly appeared in front of them holding a slingshot loaded with a cheese grater.

"This will only hurt for a second..." he said, launching the cheese grater.

"Eeeeppp!" Kiba and Naruto screamed in unison. Hinata saw the attack coming and leapt in the path of the cheese grater just in time to stop it from hitting the two idiots.

"Hinata! Why you...!" said Naruto as kyubi's chakra surrounded him.

"Holy(cars honks in the distance)!" yelled Kakashi, backing away.

"Umm, Naruto, do you indigestion or something? Cause you look a little constipated." said Kiba, looking at Naruto's stance.

"Actually, I think I might have to wiz...But that's not important right now!" replied Naruto as he charged Kakashi.

"I'm not about to lose to you!" said Kakashi, picking up a plum.

"Who says I'm going to attack you?" questioned Naruto, reaching towards Kakashi's shuriken pouch.

"Wait, you're not going to...No!" yelled Kakashi as Naruto reached into his shuriken pouch and took out his make out paradise book. "Give that back!" Naruto just ran around, sticking his tongue out at Kakashi. Suddenly a piece of ham fell on top of Naruto's head.

"He told you to un hand his book you fiend!" said Guy.

"Hooray for Guy sensei!" yelled Lee. "He is the greatest!"

"Be quiet Lee!" Guy said, hitting Lee as he did so. "There is a battle to be had!"


	4. Here Comes the Battle

1**Ninja Highschool**

"Guy! I've never been so glad to see you before!" yelled Kakashi, hugging Guy's legs.

"Guy sensei, he is hugging you! Hugging is very youthful!" said Lee

"You're right Lee! Group hug!" screamed Guy, tears streaming down his face.

"Ok, this isn't really what I intended." said Kakashi as he tried to wriggle free of Guy and Lee's hold. "Way to ruin the moment, Guy." Just then a toaster flew by inches from Kakashi's head.

"Muahahah! Play time has only just begun!" yelled a delirious Ibiki.

"Out of the flames and into the frying pan..." murmered Kakashi. Suddenly there was the sound of glass breaking above and all activity stopped. As the glass ceiling shattered a giant toad fell in through the roof.

"Alright everyone, break it up!" yelled Jiraya from atop Gama Bunta's head. "Your all going out to recess!" As soon as he had finished his sentence a pie hit him in the face.

"Ha! I got you Ero-sennin!" yelled Naruto.

"Why that little..." Jiraya said pulling back his sleeve.

"Let me handle this." said Tsunade, appearing from behind Jiraya. "Everyone shut up and listen to me!" The room fell silent. "All of you get in line and leave the janitor to his job!" In an instant the cafeteria was empty. In the midst of all the mess stood the janitor with his hands trembling. He shrugged and selected a kunai from his pouch and stabbed himself.

"I'm very ashamed of all of you." said Tsunade as she paced in front of the Jounin in the teacher's lounge. "You all took part in this. That was extremely imature."

"Yeah but it was fun!" yelled Kakashi. All the teachers muttered in agreement.

"Can I talk without being interu-" Tsunade was cut off by Ibibki.

"Would you like me to show you a demonstration of how a magnetic ruler can be used for torture?" he said.

"Ibiki, what is wrong with you!" questioned Tsunade.

"Demonstrations are youthful! Show us!" yelled Guy, oblivious to the fact that the other jounin were putting they're hand to they're throats. Well, except Ebisu who's arm had been immobilized from the cheese grater incident.

"If you insist." said Ibiki, walking towards Ebisu.

"Why does it always have to be me?" wailed Ebisu. The screams from the teachers lounge could be heard all throughout Konoha.

Meanwhile, back at the class room...

"Fork fight!"

But that's a different story...Which I will right, of course! Look out for more chapters!


	5. War of Forks

1Ninja Highschool

It's baaaaack...

"Fork fight!" As soon as this phrase was uttered, all movement in the teachers lounge cam to a halt.

"Don't tell me they..." said Anko, turning to the window. Her eyes were met by the strangest sight; kids were charging at each other with forks that they had smuggled from the cafeteria during the un-forgetable lunch war. "Is it possible that this could be even worse than the last war they had?"

"This is a no holds barred battle for the playground!" yelled Sasuke. "Let the fight...begin!" Forks flew from all directions as the raging war took place.(you'd think kunai hadn't been invented or something) Back in the building the teachers were trying to refrain Ibiki and get outside at the same time.

"We turn our backs for 2 minutes and they're already trying to kill each other!" yelled an enraged Tsunade as she shoved Ibiki towards the closet in an attempt to lock him in.

"It really is pitiful." said Kurenai. "We should have expected this, right Kakashi?" But Kakashi had other things on his mind. Like getting outside to join the chaos of the battlefield. The war had broken into sections of smaller battles. Dosu was holding back Sasuke but was forced to retreat when Sasuke ignited his fork with his fireball jutsu. Naruto had taken a few hits from Neji's 64 palms attack and some of his tenketsu had been closed.(with a fork? That must be painful.) Sakura and Ino on the other hand, were just exchanging verbal abuse at each other, trying to insult each other into submisson. The door leading from the teacher's lounge to the recess area burst open as Kakashi bustled out. He picked up a fork that Hinata had dropped after she had been poked to a crippling heap by Neji.

"Prepare to do battle!" yelled Kakashi as he charged into the fray.

"Were did Kakashi go?" asked Asuma. "He said he was scouting ahead to see what was going on out there but I'm pretty sure he was fibbing now."

"Well, with or without Kakashi, we still managed to get did of that idiot Ibiki." stated Anko matter-of-factly. Suddenly, without warning, a fork flew in front of their path.

"Raid the school!" yelled Naruto as the young ninjas came pouring in.

"What in the name of teriyaki chicken!" exclaimed Anko. "They're really planning a full scale invasion!"

"Start with the classrooms th-" Naruto was cut off by a fork that hit him in the gut.

"Who made you leader?" Kankuro asked. The chaos resumed and the flooded through the hallways.

"That's enough!" yelled Tsunade. "Stop this madness!" Her only reply was a fork that flew and hit her shoulder. "Why those...those evil brats! There's no other word to describe them!" she yelled as she lay waste to the children below.

"This battle rivals those of the ninja world wars of the past." Asuma said. "Up until now I had always assumed that forks would hurt more than kunai but know I know otherwise." There was a crashing noise behind the battle and a desk flew out of the classroom and landed on Chouji. Everyone turned to see a fuming Kakashi.

"What is the meaning of this, Kakashi?" Guy asked. Kakashi held up a blender.

"He pureed my book and tried to eat it!" Kakashi yelled like an enraged chicken.

"That was still no reason to throw a desk at someone so youthful!" howled Lee.

"You're right." said Kakashi, regaining his cool. "I should have just thrown this rabid squirrel in his general direction."

"Puffball! What have you done!" cried Lee.

"Oh, a few trips through the laundry machine put him in his current state." replied Kakashi as he tried to re-assemble his beloved book.

"You monster! How dare you!" yelled Lee as he mourned over his fuzzy friend.

"It's ok Lee!" said Guy, doing his nice guy pose. "I'll handle this." and with that he did one of his blinding smiles at Kakashi.

"My eyes...they burn!" screamed Kakashi. "Oh wait a minute. I only have one eye showing. No matter. Were was I? Oh yeah...my eye!"

"I forgot...why are we battling?" questioned Kiba.

"We're battling because...because...just because!" replied Sakura.

"Oh yeah. To war!" yelled Kiba.


End file.
